Chapter 2.0 My Unanswered Questions

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."- Jawaharal Nehru

Sometimes I pretend I'm a bird soaring over the land we call home.I can see everything so clearly, then I awaken from my daydream and things are as blurred as ever. Lies or truth, my fault or not. I've known for a long time I'm different, one special star out of all the stars, thats what Mother says.

I have endless questions about life. Does the river hold fish because the ones above drew them there, or do they just come?

 Are the stars really our ancestors or are they just lights like our fires?

I've started to question so many things why why why, the only thought ever swirling through my head. Why this why thst? Endless questions that will never have answers.

Hephastion always talks about the river, it's meant to be clear and beautiful and amazing. Was it really just put there to mark a dividing line? Was it just made to divide from those evil ones only known to us as the Others? Is it simply just the river that divides us? See what I mean with the unanswered questions, unwomanly thoughts indeed. Even Tais is a better woman than me and shes only in her weaning year.

Now that Hephastion is a man he thinks he's so above me, ordering me around.

 I hate it, I hate that I have no choice, I will mate him, because it's been decided by our parents. Noone would dare ask me what I want.

I am different, I will always be different, but I have come to believe I will not destroy the people in a literal sense. That what these scared villagers fail to see, is that it is possible I will destroy their precious ingrained beliefs and traditions, that are never changed. Now that is one thing I will gladly do, some things have governed our people for to long, things must change...