Chapter 1.7 One Last Chance

"Father, you are playing a cruel trick on me", I say in desperation.
"Sadly I am not, but you must listen to me. For yourself and Arcadia, can you do that?", he askes me urgently.
I nod not trusting myself to talk.
"You must understand, someone being born to destroy the people was always going to happen. There was no getting away from it. I am just so sad that it turned out to be you, but I believe quite firmly that it was your destiny. I am sure you will be blessed because of the trials you were forced to face. Our people were always going to die out, that was marked long ago. At first I tried to support you, but I couldn't I felt somehow responsible . Before I go to join those above, I wanted to give you something, protect it, for it is the most important memory our people have", he says to me handing me blocks of wood with strange symbols on them.

"I don't understand", I say and I didn't.

All my life I had been led to believe this was my fault and now all of a sudden it wasn't.

Father shool his head,"You must talk to Arcadia, you have one last chance to make it right. Do you understand?", father asked.

I nodded but in truth I didn't understand at all.

"Then go",he said.

I went to find Arcadia and led her to a quiet spot.

"Aristander has told me something. He wants you to know it was our destiny. It was never our fault", I say to her, struggling to find the right words.

Arcadia just shook her head and said," It doesn't matter the villages will never understand me and I will never understand them."
Was it possible that father meant that this was the last chance I had to convince. Now when she was so close to becoming a woman. Could she actuall destroy them?
"They are scared of us, you just need to show them, there is nothing to be afraid of", I tell her quickly.
"But there is, isn't there", she said walking away.

Could my daughter truly destroy us? Did she believe she could?

Father was right about one thing he was dying, because two days later, father left us to join those above. I don't think I will ever feel sader than I did that day. Peritas had to take over as head elder, thus meaning we moved outside. He wouldn't begin full duties though until he was older. Lucky for us father had began training him, so Peritas knew what to do. We said goodye to Arisatnder at the stones of worship, as ancient tradition told us to.

Then the whold village stayed the night, in respect.

I cannot stop thinking about what father said, about it being our destiny, about my last chance, about the memory. The thought haunts me endlessly of what those strange symbols mean. What was the oldest memory, that would explain why this was happening to Arcadia and me? Arcadia never mentioned our conversation, and as for me I could not bring it up.

Hephastion and Arcadia stayed close together while she was mourning and I think she was clinging to him in her grief.

Barsine was still cold to me, but she wasn't upset with Arcadia for rekindling our relationship. Maybe people really do change.

Tais entered into her weaning year, and seasons passed since father died.

Tomorrow Arcadia would be a woman, and it would be her turn to hold this burden upon her shoulders. As for me I looked intently towards the payment of carrying this burden. I looked to a time, when I would look down upon my child, as father was now looking down uopn me.

Here lies Aristander, forever resting with those above

Chapter 1.6 The Reality of Life

The days seemed to wash like seconds in my quest to win back my daughter. Weeks passed months, but the only response I ever got when I tried to talk to Arcadia was,"I don't want to talk to you right now."

So my life continues much the same, I suppose I should mention Barsine's new child, a girl named Tais.

I to became pregnant and lost the child.

"You are to wound up", Peritas tells me.

I pretend tp listen but I'm really. My world seems to breathe sadness and their is only one person in the world that can make me happy, but she refuses to talk to me.

Then comes the big day, our journey to the village gathering. 

I am sure Arcadia is nervous because she has been moody all day. I to am nervous for myself and Arcadia, the villages will not look upon us kindly I know. The journey is long and Barsine is forced to let me carry Tais some of the time as well. It feels good to be needed by an innocent child again and it will always remind me of Arcadia.

When we arrive, people see me alone and Barsine with the three children and they assume all is well. Even I am forced to admit if only it could stay that way, but we must make introductions and it is then we things go terribly wrong. As soon as they realize that Arcadia is not Barsine but mines, the screaming and shouting begins. 

"You dirty little destroyer", one said.

"We don't want you here", another.

Then to me,"How can you live?"

"A disgrace to our people, your worthless."

These words hurt so much, but I had a feeling that they hurt Arcadia a lot more. Debates were carried on throughout the night whether we should even be allowed to stay or not. A decision was reached late in the night and father came and told me, we were not allowed to stay. The next day me and Arcadia would have to leave and survive in the village on our own.

We were escorted back to the village by Peritas. 

He was agaitied I could tell. Every time me and Arcadia tried to talk to him he snapped at us.

Upon arriving back at the village, Peritas wanted to leave straight away.

"Don't go anywhere, we'll be back in week", he told me curtly.

I nodded my understanding, what else could I do? As Peritas walked away I fought the urge to call out to him, I was a woman how was I supposed to survive on my own?

Arcadia sat down and I placed myself next to her.

"I'm sorry, my darling, I wish Barsine really was your mother", I say to her meaning every word. 

"I've never felt like thst turned on by my own people, nobody even tried to stand up for me. They're so cowardly, I could never understand how I could destroy the people, but now I can", she tells me sadly.

I was about to yell at her, but I held my tongue. For one she was talking to me, secondly part of me agreed with her.

"Even Peritas didn't do anything or Aristander and he could of made a difference, it hurts", she continued.

"I can promise you, that Aristander will be trying to convince people we are not evil. He just likes to avoid conflict", I tell her knowing this to be the truth.

She looks at me and I think she really sees me.

"I've been so horrible to you, I thought I could take back this curse upon me if I treated you bad. I'm sorry", she whispers.

"Arcadia, I think we will always fight. We are so different, but I want you to try and be friends with me again", I say to her hearing the hope in my voice.

"We can try", she says slowly.

I nod because I know that is all I am going to get.

Over the time we had alone me and Arcadia tried to become friends again, but I tell you it is not easy. Sometimes we fight, other times we get on well. I guess it just depends on the topic of our conversation. Arcadia likes talking about gardening, Hephastion, and even fishing, but start talking about being a proper woman and Arcadia shuts up.

I have learnt to avoid such subjects, but I am worried about her.

When the rest of the village returns, a bad feeling comes overme father does not look right. When everyone else is busy doing other things, I rush over to father.

"Father is all well?", I ask slowly.

"Arcadia is given you are chance at redemption I am happy for you", he says avoiding my question.

"Father", I say quietly.

"I'm dying, but before I go, I must tell you something very important my daughter", he says to me, but I refuse to believe my ears my father could not be dying.

Note- There are no pictures of Tais as because for some reason all baby girls come out as invisblie, with just this pink thing. I blame CC, but I don't know which one causes it. 

Chapter 1.5 A Time For Truth

"There are no classes in life for beginners right away you are asked to deal with what is most diffucult"- Rainer Maria Rilke

Time seemed to fly during the next year of Arcadia's youth. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until she started talking.
"Can you say love?", I say.
"Love you mumma", Arcadia replies.

She caught on to talking quickly and pretty soon she was chatting away to anyone prepared to listen

I could tell Peritas was having a hard time not acknowledging her, as she talked to him.

Hephastion and Arcadia still stayed quite close but as the year progressed I noticed Hephastion becoming more distant.  Obviously Arcadia didn't notice anything of the sort, since she never left his side. She stilled seemed to shy away from Barsine and I wondered if she sensed something. Almost everyday I see Father hugging Arcadia and I know they will be as close as we once where.

Seleucus has found every little thing to yell at me about. I know it is wrong to think so, but I feel that it may have something to do with Arcadia always telling him off. I have tried my best to discipline the child be she most defintely has a mind of her own.

Sometimes when I see Arcadia it causes thoughts I know are wrong. She seems so free and happy and I begin to wonder if they way we live our lives is right. Both men and women are so restricted , will people look back at us and say we are a happy people?

I have learnt to shake my head at such thoughts though, it is not thoughts that women should ever have.

Although I worry more about Arcadia, she askes such unwomenlike questions and even though she listens to Hephastion I don't know if she will be a submissive daughter and women.

"Mamma, why won't Dada talk to me?", she askes.

"You aren't alive yet my darling", I reply.

"Why are you alive and I'm not, I'm the same as you", she replies back.

"This is not thoughts for women", I tell her.

Yet I can't believe that she has such awareness she os only in her talking year. These things worry me more than anything else.

The day of Arcadias turn into a child, came quicker than I thought possible. My little girl could finally be acknowledged or alive as it is said. Hephastion had already passed into childhood the day before.

and seemed to try and catch up on loss time with his Dada. 

As I saw Arcadia enter her year of childhood

I couldn't believe that the pretty girl was my own. Yet as she came to hug me, I knew she would always be my daughter.

As soon as she saw Peritas she started talking faster than a runner. 

I disciplined her later, but I have a feeling she did not talk it in. Most of her days are spent with Aristander after her chores or with Hephastion. 

I sometimes fear her heart will break when the men take him out fishing with them.

"Mumma, you liar", Arcadia yells at me one day.  

I have no idea where the outburst come from but it scares me.

"Child what are you talking about?", I reply.

"Its your fault, I'm going to destroy the people because of you. You told me to be a good woman, so when we went to the village gathering everyone would love me like you do. Yet you knew they would never accept me, you knew", she yells.

"Don't be silly, who told you?", I ask my voice gettind desperate.

I couldn't lose my daughter.

"Hephastion, at least he tells the truth", she says.

I see her storming out of the village.

I know I must find her and set off. Before I leave I see Barsine giving Hephastion a hug, praising him I'm sure.

I find Arcadia at the stones of worship.

"Arcadia you must understand I was going to tell you", I try to explain. 

"No you weren't you were just going to let someone else tell me", she retorts.

"You are my momma, but through ties only stay away from me", she says walking away.

My heart feels like it is going to break. My only daughter, my only child. I couldn't lose her but I had. I should of told her the truth, but there was never a time for the truth. I return to the village to find Arcadia feeling Barsines stomach, it turns out she is pregnant.

Soon she will have three children who love her and I will have none. I feel like I should have something to convince me to go on, and when Peritas hugs me, I realise I must fight for my daughter.

Chapter 1.4 A Reason To Smile

So the village has been joined by two little terrors. At this stage still not being acknowledged by the men, they feel they can do anything. Even worse is the fact, that Arcadia and Hephastion seem to feed off each other. Interrupting meals,
trying to pull down washing, pulling out plants. Barsine and I have had to reduce the size of the garden and request the men to build a small fence around it.
All these in the first two months of their weaning year. I see the next three years of my life stretched out before me and I am not looking forward to it.

They probably would of attacked the paintings to those above if Father hadn't given them a stern look. I forgot how scary he could be. I don't remember anyone saying parenthood was this hard. Yet their are moments that I feel so blessed when Arcadia is sleeping,
when she seeks my love and attention,
and when her and Hephastion are playing with my grandmothers old doll.

They seem to talk to each other with their baby sounds and it scares me as it means troubles on the wind. I can not wait for their talking year to understand what they are saying. Seven months into their weaning year,Arcadia and Hephastion grow hair.

Things progressed the same all through their weaning year. It was only at the start of their walking year, that some interesting changes took place. I couldn't really believe it was happening, but it seemed the ones above had not completely abandoned me. I remember something my Father used to always tell me, it was the oldest saying our people had, its roots were unknown. It went like this, the ones above are not so cruel, as to not give you a chance to change things, but sometimes you must believe in the impossible.

I had just put Arcadia down to bed.
I was in a bad mood, I ached in places I had never hurt before. I saw Peritas walking towards me.
He gave me a hug
and I felt all my tension disappear. I forgot how much I needed companionship, it had been so long. Barsine was staring, something her eyes told me this was not over.

After that me and Periats began talking again,
it was hard at first but after awhile we were better than we had ever been. I suspected by Barsine open affection to Seleucus
and continued talking to Peritas,
that she had something nasty planned for me. I certainly wasn't looking forward to it and dreaded each day as it came.

When I came upon Barsine and Seleucus talking, I knew things would be worse.
"Barsine, it is not right to take up so much of a mans time. I forbid you to talk to Peritas unnecessarily", Seleucus told Barsine.

I knew now that Barsine would find every possible means to hurt me. I put down Arcadia next to Hephastion. At least I thought I would always Have my daughter.

Barsines P.O.V

I looked at Leptines happiness and hated her for it. Why should she be happy, when she brought down the wrath of those above on us? Sure Seleucus still yelled at her,
but nothing like before.

Now my only means of getting to her is gone. Or maybe not, I know she loves Arcadia more than anything. What would happen if her precious little girl didn't love her anymore? I picked Hephastion up and smiled.
It was about time my little walking boy,
learnt how to talk. Maybe his first word could be destroyer.

Leptines P.O.V

"Come on Arcadia, come to mumma", I say.
I smile as she struggles to walk over Deciding that since Hephastion is walking, I think Arcadia should be to. After all it is nearly her talking year.

As soon as I see Arcadia take her first steps towards me,
my heart swells with pride. I knew my trials weren't over, but finally I had a reason to smile. I was ready to face Arcadias talking year with renewed determination.