Chapter 1.5 A Time For Truth

"There are no classes in life for beginners right away you are asked to deal with what is most diffucult"- Rainer Maria Rilke

Time seemed to fly during the next year of Arcadia's youth. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until she started talking.
"Can you say love?", I say.
"Love you mumma", Arcadia replies.

She caught on to talking quickly and pretty soon she was chatting away to anyone prepared to listen

I could tell Peritas was having a hard time not acknowledging her, as she talked to him.

Hephastion and Arcadia still stayed quite close but as the year progressed I noticed Hephastion becoming more distant.  Obviously Arcadia didn't notice anything of the sort, since she never left his side. She stilled seemed to shy away from Barsine and I wondered if she sensed something. Almost everyday I see Father hugging Arcadia and I know they will be as close as we once where.

Seleucus has found every little thing to yell at me about. I know it is wrong to think so, but I feel that it may have something to do with Arcadia always telling him off. I have tried my best to discipline the child be she most defintely has a mind of her own.

Sometimes when I see Arcadia it causes thoughts I know are wrong. She seems so free and happy and I begin to wonder if they way we live our lives is right. Both men and women are so restricted , will people look back at us and say we are a happy people?

I have learnt to shake my head at such thoughts though, it is not thoughts that women should ever have.

Although I worry more about Arcadia, she askes such unwomenlike questions and even though she listens to Hephastion I don't know if she will be a submissive daughter and women.

"Mamma, why won't Dada talk to me?", she askes.

"You aren't alive yet my darling", I reply.

"Why are you alive and I'm not, I'm the same as you", she replies back.

"This is not thoughts for women", I tell her.

Yet I can't believe that she has such awareness she os only in her talking year. These things worry me more than anything else.

The day of Arcadias turn into a child, came quicker than I thought possible. My little girl could finally be acknowledged or alive as it is said. Hephastion had already passed into childhood the day before.

and seemed to try and catch up on loss time with his Dada. 

As I saw Arcadia enter her year of childhood

I couldn't believe that the pretty girl was my own. Yet as she came to hug me, I knew she would always be my daughter.

As soon as she saw Peritas she started talking faster than a runner. 

I disciplined her later, but I have a feeling she did not talk it in. Most of her days are spent with Aristander after her chores or with Hephastion. 

I sometimes fear her heart will break when the men take him out fishing with them.

"Mumma, you liar", Arcadia yells at me one day.  

I have no idea where the outburst come from but it scares me.

"Child what are you talking about?", I reply.

"Its your fault, I'm going to destroy the people because of you. You told me to be a good woman, so when we went to the village gathering everyone would love me like you do. Yet you knew they would never accept me, you knew", she yells.

"Don't be silly, who told you?", I ask my voice gettind desperate.

I couldn't lose my daughter.

"Hephastion, at least he tells the truth", she says.

I see her storming out of the village.

I know I must find her and set off. Before I leave I see Barsine giving Hephastion a hug, praising him I'm sure.

I find Arcadia at the stones of worship.

"Arcadia you must understand I was going to tell you", I try to explain. 

"No you weren't you were just going to let someone else tell me", she retorts.

"You are my momma, but through ties only stay away from me", she says walking away.

My heart feels like it is going to break. My only daughter, my only child. I couldn't lose her but I had. I should of told her the truth, but there was never a time for the truth. I return to the village to find Arcadia feeling Barsines stomach, it turns out she is pregnant.

Soon she will have three children who love her and I will have none. I feel like I should have something to convince me to go on, and when Peritas hugs me, I realise I must fight for my daughter.